On Stranger Tides
by Quinnlove202
Summary: Pirate/Mermaid AU. Santana's experienced a lot in her short seventeen years but being bitch slapped awake by a mermaid was a first. Quinntana. Oneshot.


AN: Just a little something I've had on my computer since forever. Enjoy!

* * *

Santana wakes up to a pounding headache and sunlight burning through her closed eyelids.

She groans and twists, squeezing her eyes shut tighter while blinding patting the top of her head in search of her hat. When she doesn't feel it anywhere, she grudgingly opens her eyes and eases herself upright.

Santana rubs a hand over her tired face. Last she remembered her and crew had been partying it up in the local tavern, celebrating a successful raid over a rival galleon.

Judging by the strength of her headache she might've celebrated a little _too_ much.

Santana finds her hat after a quick search and puts it on. Unlike usual, she hadn't passed out somewhere on her ship but on a dinghy instead.

Weird, but whatever.

Her eyes sweep across the water.

 _As long as the damn thing was tied to a dock—_

Santana's calm quickly evaporates when she realizes that she was not, in fact, tied down anywhere but aimlessly floating along.

She jerks around just to be sure, and sure enough, nothing but water.

No land in _fucking_ sight.

How the hell that even happens she doesn't even know.

Turning her head, Santana raises her brow at the length of rope in the boat with her.

Well, actually she does know.

Either her drunk ass passed out in this dinghy and it magically got untied from wherever it came or someone put her in this shit ass excuse for a boat and purposefully untied it from the dock.

(Considering the long, _long_ list of enemies she had, she was gonna go with the latter).

Santana swears under her breath, her head shaking in disbelief, and begins patting her clothes for her spyglass. Right now she could only see as far as her eyes showed her. And her eyes weren't showing her shit.

Damnit.

She gives up the search when it becomes obvious she doesn't have anything on her. No spyglass, no compass, no pistol, nothing. And with no provisions for a sail, or even oars to the dinghy, there was little hope for navigating her way out of this.

If she was fully sober, she'd probably be full on freaking the fuck out right about now but as it is she can only fall backward and curse.

As the boat sways with the water, a bottle of rum rolls toward Santana, hitting her boot.

She picks it up and pops off the cork.

All she could do now was wait and pray she came across another boat, but until then she could at least drink what was left of this rum to help her through the hangover.

—

Having grown tired from doing nothing but stare at the ocean for the past couple hours, Santana remains reclined against the boat with her hat over her face to block out the sun.

The gentle rocking of the boat has her half-asleep up until she feels a loud thump beneath her, jolting her out of her daze. Santana tips her hat up to scan her surroundings but when she sees nothing out of the ordinary or a ship nearby, she eases up. The boat probably just passed over some coral or something.

Or it's just a fucking shark coming to get her.

At that thought Santana startles to attention and carefully peers over the edge. If she's in danger she wants to know about it.

Santana keeps still for a moment, waiting for its lurky ass to come swimming into view but it never does.

She waits and waits and nothing.

Santana watches the water for just a little longer before returning to her previous position.

 _Thank fuck it wasn't a shark_ , she sighs.

It'd make for a good story, a face-off with a shark, but Santana would rather not have one if she could help it.

She likes having all her limbs, thanks.

Santana moves to push her hat back over her eyes.

That's when she hears it.

 _Singing_.

Her body reacts before her brain can. The hairs on her neck stand on edge and her muscles tense up, the enchanting voice infiltrating her every pore unlike anything she's ever felt before.

Santana looks over her shoulder unthinkingly and her breath promptly catches in her throat.

 _Holy fuck._

Santana had never seen one in person until now but she's heard them described as the most luscious women you could ever imagine. And shit, she'd thought she'd known what a beautiful woman looked like before but no, she was so fucking delusional. No human woman could compare to the beautiful creature beckoning her with her eyes and voice right now.

Santana swallows hard, then inadvertently yanks herself back to reality, her brain reminding her that with such beauty also came horrible, horrible danger.

Creatures like this one were known to rise up from the waves and sing their song to lure their prey into their awaiting arms before dragging them to the bottom of the ocean and feeding on their remains.

Santana shakes her head, looking away from the sweet pair of lips she would probably kill to taste. As gorgeous as the blonde was, she had plans for her life. Long term plans and none of them included becoming another mermaid fatality.

Nope. Nu-uh. No fucking way.

Hardening her resolve, Santana shuts out the unearthly beauty's voice and pushes down every instinctual urge she has to get closer to the girl by the side of the boat.

"Get out of here, you overgrown tuna!" she orders with a flick of her wrist. "Look elsewhere for your next meal because I ain't it!"

Dazzling hazel eyes stare back in shock before a perfectly sculpted eyebrow arches at her. "What did you say to me?"

Caught off-guard by the fact that the girl could actually understand her and speak perfect English, Santana fumbles for a second before saying, "I said stay the fuck away, fish of death, I know what you are!"

The blonde's eyes narrow in realization. "You're a girl."

Santana looks down at herself briefly before scoffing indignantly, "Hell yeah I'm a girl!"

Like what? That wasn't obvious?

"But you're dressed like a pirate." the blonde frowns.

Santana resists the urge to roll her eyes. "Duh, cause _I'm_ a pirate. The pirate to end all pirates, if you wanna get technical."

(Not really, but Blondie doesn't need to know that).

The mermaid tilts her head curiously, as if trying to gauge whether Santana was lying or not. "I've never heard of a female pirate before."

"Yeah well we exist." Santana huffs.

The blonde pushes away from the boat and begins to swim around closer to Santana's side, humming that alluring tune again.

Santana carefully moves as far away as she can from the girl without tipping the boat over. "What do you think you're doing?" she asks, narrowing her eyes.

"I've never seduced a female pirate before."

While the mermaid's shrug is innocent, the look in her eyes is just downright malevolent.

 _And no me gusta._

"And you're never gonna." Santana glares, ready to take this bitch down if necessary. "Not with me at least."

Pressing down on the side of the boat, the blonde lifts her upper body up and out of the water, arching those tantalizing brows again, this time as if to say _oh, really?_

Her singing starts up again but this time Santana is too preoccupied with the blonde's bare chest to notice anything else.

No seashells for this little mermaid. Nope. None at all.

 _Oh fuck._ Realizing she was ogling, Santana quickly snaps herself out of it and raises her chin, refusing to give in. "As much as I can't keep my eyes off your lovely guppy puppies, I am not falling for your fish tricks." she maintains, her arms crossed in defiance. "Now go away afores I end you, seaweed brain."

Obviously insulted, the blonde glares daggers at her before pushing away from the boat and splashing back under the water, tail flipping out and everything.

Santana drops her crossed arms, surprised it took so little effort to make her go away. "Huh. I'm more skilled than I thought."

Okay then.

Santana resumes her reclined position.

(In hindsight she really she should've know better because in that moment, Blondie flips the boat on her).

 _Fucking mermaid_.

Santana hits the water before she can think to do anything to stop it. She instantly starts spluttering and flailing like a hot mess, her head barely breaking the surface. Then comes the arms around her waist, tugging, and _oh god this is it_ , this is how the great Santana Lopez dies, first drowned, then eaten by a fish with ridiculously perfect boobs.

(Well, at least she got to see one last pair before she died).

But instead of being dragged down, Santana feels herself being _pulled up_ , and suddenly there's air and the water that's in her lungs is being coughed out.

"Tell your timbers to shop shivering, pirate. You're going to be okay."

Indignant rage has Santana pushing away her asshole of a 'savior' but that just leaves her back in a struggle.

Fucking ocean won't get out of her way.

Next thing Santana knows her ass is being hauled back on the dinghy. She lands with an undignified _oof!_ but she's so grateful to have a solid surface beneath her to care about being manhandled by a ridiculously strong fish girl.

"You can't swim?"

Santana scowls at the amusement that colors the blonde's voice.

"No, I can't swim." she growls, rolling herself onto her back and propping herself up by her elbows.

"But you're a pirate!" the blonde laughs.

Santana pushes to sit upright, still short of breath.

How dare she laugh at her! No one laughs at Santana Lopez.

"There's nothing in the pirate rule book that says I need to be able to fucking swim."

The blonde just continues to shakes her head in disbelief. "But you live on the sea."

"Exactly." Santana grabs her boot and yanks it off to get the water out of it. " _On_ it, not in it, you asshole."

At that the blonde's lips turn down in a frown. Her brow furrows in confusion. "Why didn't you fall for my charm?"

"If your idea of charm was flipping over my boat, I think it's safe to say why I wasn't all that into it."

The mermaid shakes her head, exasperated. "My voice, I mean. _No one_ can resist my song."

Santana wrings out her hair and shrugs. "Maybe no man can." she scoffs, thinking of their lack of willpower when it came to women in general. "But I sure as hell can."

She feels herself smirk at the fact but when she glances back at the blonde, it falters.

Mainly because the girl had disappeared on her.

Santana looks over the side of the boat and yep, totally gone.

She pulls back with a shake of her head.

Weird.

Blondie must not handle failure well.

Whatever. Not her problem.

 _Her_ problem was getting back to civilization before she fucking died out here.

—

Santana's experienced a lot in her short seventeen years but being bitch slapped awake by a mermaid was a first.

" _What the fuck?_ "

Santana's hand flies to her face instantly. The last time she was on the receiving end of a slap that hard it was because she called a girl by the wrong name at, uh, the wrong _moment_.

Shaking her head, Santana blinks up at the form blocking out her light. "What's your damage, chicken of the sea?"

And seriously, what's _she_ doing back here?

"I've been singing for the past hour and nothing. You've been sleeping right through it!" The blonde exclaims, looking very much like she might choke her or slap her again. "No one sleeps through my song!"

"You're insane." As Santana sits herself upright, she groans, admittedly weaker than she'd been yesterday. She blamed that on the lack of food. And water. "I thought we went over this, you can't seduce me."

Santana yelps when the blonde suddenly grabs a hold of her face and squeezes her cheeks. "What the hell, get away from me!"

She tries to fight the girl off but the she-fish was ridiculously strong and easily keeps her at bay. "Stick out your tongue." she demands. "I need to see if you're sick or have any obvious abnormalities that would explain why you are able to resist my pull."

Though Santana resists her at every turn, the blonde continues with her eye, nose, and mouth examination. Santana flails away the second she's released.

Who the fuck does this fish think she is?

"Why can't I seduce you?" the blonde grates out in frustration, obviously coming up empty-handed.

"Because my awesome prevents it, lemon head."

"No human, man or woman, is immune to us!" the aggravated blonde maintains.

Santana rolls her eyes.

 _I am too fucking hungry and dehydrated for this shit._

"Well I don't know what to tell you, you blonde manatee." she sighs, lying back down and pushing her hat over her face.

The blonde shakes her head to herself. "Humans." she huffs. "You can never do as you're supposed to."

Santana lifts her hat just enough to stick out her tongue at her.

Jerk.

Hearing the large splash in the water, Santana shakes her head to herself.

If this is what her days were going to be like from now on, with a pissy mermaid who wouldn't leave her alone, may God strike her down already.

—

The next day Santana finds herself drifting in and out of consciousness, hunger and dehydration really starting to kick in.

Fucking hell.

She's resigned to the fact that she just may die out here after all when she hears a disturbance in the water and a thud against her boat. Santana cracks one eye open to see her empty rum bottle - which she hadn't even realized disappeared - roll toward her with the gentle rock of the boat.

Seeing it was filled with clear water, Santana slowly raises her heavy head, but wills herself not to get too hopeful. She narrows her eyes as the blonde mermaid rests her elbows against the boat expectantly.

"Well?"

Santana warily picks up the bottle. For all she knows it could be some clear liquid poison. Or mermaid spit. "Well?" she throws right back.

"I stole the bottle while you were sleeping." the blonde explains. "As for the contents, I know of a fresh water source."

That still doesn't explain anything, Santana thinks. "Why are you giving me water?"

"I figured you're too weak for my song to work."

Santana rolls her eyes. Of course it was back to that again. Girl couldn't just let that go, could she? "Why are you so insistent on seducing me?"

"I do not fail." the mermaid says simply. "I've _never_ failed. And I'm not about to be the first mermaid to let a salty pirate get away from her."

"I am not salty!"

The blonde chuckles a little and throws her a fish which, by the look of it, was recently bludgeoned in the head by a rock. "Here eat up so you can rebuild your strength and I can move on with my life. I'd like to be able to cross you off my to-do list already."

 _Heh. I'm on her to-do list._

 _Wanky._

The mermaid raises brow at Santana's refusal to touch the food and water she'd provided. "Do you _want_ to die out here?"

"No, but I'd rather starve up here than be seduced and drowned by you, thanks."

"You're a stubborn pirate, aren't you?"

"Is there any other kind?" Santana snorts, now fully sitting upright.

"Eat up, pirate or I'll force you to." the blonde warns.

Santana scoffs a weak laugh and gives in. She was really fucking thirsty and at least if she had her strength could take on the bitch if she tried anything shifty. She pops open the bottle cork and takes a hearty drink, tempted to just guzzle entire bottle down, but since she's not sure of the chances of a refill, she refrains and takes it easy.

"If you want to drown me so bad, why didn't you just do it when you had the chance? When you tipped over the boat?" she questions, putting back the cork. "I was a sitting duck, you could've just grabbed me."

"There's a procedure to the way we work." the blonde sighs, watching as Santana poked at the fish. "Lure, entice, drown, devour. Taking advantage of you like that would have been like going after an already dying animal. What fun is there in that?"

Santana rolls eyes. "For a mermaid you sure are a goody-goody. I would've just ate me and been done with it."

Santana furrows her brow at that unintentionally wanky statement.

Anyways.

"You know you have yet to tell me your name."

Santana raises her brow at that. "I didn't realize it was required." She looks at the blonde closely. "Why do you even care? I thought you just wanted to drown me."

The blonde raises her shoulders. "I've decided I want to know who it is I'm attempting to drown. So tell me your name."

 _So bossy,_ Santana thinks. "The name's Santana Lopez, Captain of _La Diabla_." she answers in spite of herself. "Your turn."

The mermaid flashes her a smile and for a moment Santana's convinced she wouldn't say.

"Quinn."

 _Huh. Quinn._

"Well I'd say it's been nice knowing you, _Quinn_ , but considering you've done nothing but try and seduce me—"

Quinn's mouth falls open, scoffing, "Did I not supply you with food and water just now?"

"Yeah, but have you done for me lately?"

Quinn seems to think about it for a second before rising up and kissing her cheek.

Santana rears back with a yelp and hastily begins wiping the side of her face. " _What the fuck?_ "

She could only imagine what kind of fish disease Blondie was carrying on those pink parasite lips.

"Probably the only pirate on this earth to be disgusted by a mermaid's kiss." Quinn comments, smiling in amusement. "You are a strange one, Santana Lopez."

Santana keeps rubbing at her face while making grossed out noises. _She kisses me out of nowhere and I'm the strange one?_ "Barnacles aren't going to start growing on the side of my face, are they?"

Quinn's smile just broadens. She obviously got a kick out of watching Santana squirm. "You're welcome, Santana."

"Bitch, I am not thanking you!"

—

Santana's not sure how they got to this point.

Like, one minute Quinn is determined as fuck to add her to list of conquests - and not the good sexy kind - the next Quinn is making herself comfortable on _her_ damn boat like they're suddenly friends or something.

It was fucking weird.

Hell Santana practically has the girl in her lap. Or at least her bottom half anyways. With her upper half propped up by her hands, Quinn has her head thrown back like - for lack of a better description, a sunbathing mermaid - and her tail draped across Santana's legs like ' _No big deal I'm just gonna use you as my own personal prop_ '.

Santana would've complained, or at the very least shoved Quinn off, but surprisingly enough, she found herself _not_ hating the position. She's probably the only person to ever get so close and personal with a mermaid and live to tell about it. Well, _hopefully_ get to live and tell about it. Quinn hasn't tried singing that siren song of hers today but for all Santana knew all this was just a ploy to get her guard down.

If it was, it was kinda working to be honest.

After awhile Quinn drops her head back to stare and sigh at her in mild exasperation.

"Can you _please_ stop doing that?"

Santana stops moving her fin back and forth.

"I let you borrow my hat, you let me play with your tail, that was the deal."

(There was no deal _actually_ but since Quinn had hijacked her captain's hat Santana needed some way to get back at the blonde and figured playing with her tail would annoy her enough until she gave it back).

Quinn shakes her head at her.

"It's just a tail."

Santana scoffs at that. "Just a tail she says." She shakes her head, her gaze sweeping across the blonde's lower body, her scales a mesmerizing assortment of greens, blues, and golds. Santana can't help but glide her hand across the surface. "You're literally half human half fish. Like, how does that even happen?"

How drunk does a human have to be to mate with a fish anyways?

Quinn tilts her head, regarding her curiously. "Where do you come from, Santana?"

"Land."

Quinn smacks her with her fin. "Where _exactly?_ "

"Nowhere you'd know." Santana scowls, wiping her cheek. "Why do you care?"

Quinn shrugs. "You're surprisingly intriguing for a land walker."

"Uh, thanks. I think." Santana looks back at the blonde, unsure. "Does that mean you aren't gonna try and make me your dinner anymore?"

"As annoying as not being able to seduce you is," Quinn sighs, stretching out her neck from side to side, "I have no real desire to kill you, Santana."

Santana swallows hard, valiantly trying not to watch the water droplets as they traveled down from the blonde's hair to her exposed breasts. "Why cause you only ever go after men?"

"It's a common misconception that mermaids will only go after men." Quinn informs, still with her eyes closed. "They just happen to be the ones who are more commonly out at sea."

"Do men and women _taste_ differently?"

Santana scrunches her nose at her own question.

Quinn shakes her head. "Human flesh is satisfying all the same, regardless of which sex it comes from." Quinn drops her head forward and opens her eyes. "Though I will admit, the killing process is far more gratifying with men than it is with women." At Santana's questioning glance, she explains. "Too many of them walk around thinking they own the world and everything on it." Quinn's lips turn up in a playful little smirk. "Needless to say a lot of us like to remind them that they don't."

Okay. Santana is oddly turned on right now.

"That's uh, badass."

"Do you kill?" Quinn wonders.

"Well, I'm no serial killer but I'm not afraid to do what I have to in order to get what I want." she answers honestly.

Quinn nods in understanding.

"I'd rather be a predator than anyone's prey."

Santana nods to herself, for once in agreement. "Preach."

Shifting from the weight of Quinn's tail on top of her, Santana looks down and becomes alarmed by a sudden thought. "Hey, you're not gonna like shrivel up on me from being out of the water, are you?" She doesn't know how long Quinn's been out here lounging with her but it's been a fair amount of time. "'Cause I gotta warn you, if you die on me I'll probably be forced to eat your remains to survive."

Quinn snorts at the very idea, lightly shaking her head. "No, I can stay out of the water. For a while at least. When the water dries from my skin, I become like you." she says, nodding to her legs.

Santana raises her brow in surprise. She hadn't been sure if that part was just part of the mermaid mythos or not. "So you do have legs under here, cool." She pokes Quinn's tail experimentally, eliciting a knee-jerk reaction.

"I rarely let them change though." Quinn says, after shooting her a mildly admonishing stare.

Santana's brow knits together in confusion.

"Why not?"

If she could survive on both land and sea, she could take over the fucking world if she wanted. Why not go for it?

"No reason to." Quinn shrugs, seemingly more content with her tail.

"No interest in exploring my turf?" Santana questions jokingly, though she had to agree having a tail was much more impressive than having two plain 'ol legs.

Quinn shakes her head. "No, I'm just more vulnerable on land than in the sea."

 _Not with me around you wouldn't be._

Santana frowns to herself, wondering where the hell that thought came from.

"I wouldn't dare risk it. Here." Quinn straightens up and puts Santana's hat back on her head. "I should get going. Give me a hand?"

Santana nods and carefully helps her back into the water. "So where do you go when you leave?" she questions, watching Quinn's scales shimmer like coins under the water. "Your underwater kingdom?"

"Well, since I seem to be getting nowhere with you," Santana chuckles at that loaded sigh while Quinn swims up and rests her arms against the boat. "I usually just set out to find sailors and other seamen to drown." Santana snickers at the word _seamen_. "If I don't get in at least one killing a day I get very unpleasant."

"Oh you do, do you?" Santana laughs at the way the blonde's brow furrows so seriously.

Quinn nods, cracking a smile along with her.

Her laughter subsiding, Santana realizes in that moment just how close their faces were to each other and awkwardly moves back, knowing she could very much lose herself in those hazel eyes and get into trouble.

"Why'd you kiss me yesterday?" she finds herself asking in spite of herself.

"Because you're adorable and I couldn't help myself."

Santana pulls a caught off-guard/disgusted face, then slowly begins shaking her head. "People have described me as many things: ruthless, evil, a mega bitch, batshit crazy, but never adorable."

Quinn tilts her head, amused. "Are you insulted or pleased?"

"Insulted as fuck."

Quinn laughs and eases away from the boat. "I'll be back in a little while."

"Why come back so soon?"

Not that Santana didn't want her to come back, she was just wondering.

"Shore is still a way's off and you obviously need help getting back to it."

Santana scoffs and cross her arms indignantly. "I do not."

Quinn arches an eyebrow at her. "So you were just cursing and pleading with your God and patron saints for no good reason this morning? And every other morning?"

Santana scowls at that, wondering just how long Quinn listens to her talk to herself before making herself known. "Eavesdropper."

Quinn shrugs her shoulders uncaringly, beaming instead. "Try not to miss me too much, Santana Lopez."

"You know, there should be a 'Captain' in there somewhere." Santana quietly scoffs. Then. "Why do you always say my full name?"

"I like the way it feels on my tongue."

Santana feels her eyes widen because, really, did she just say that? All sexy-like and shit or has her mind just been fried by too much heat?

"You'll like how it feels even more when you're screaming it to the heavens." Santana retorts.

Her smile turns up cockily and damn, she has to mentally pat herself on the back for that one because Quinn raises her brow in surprise. The blonde then shakes her head with a smile, admittedly impressed if her eyes had anything to say. And maybe, even a little bashful too?

"We'll see about that, _Captain_."

Quinn dives back into the water then, her tail flipping up after her, and Santana watches her go with a fond smile.

It isn't until Quinn is long gone that Santana realizes she kind of had a thing for the blonde mermaid.

And when she does she falls onto her back with a dramatic groan.

Shit was she screwed.

—

Quinn ends up coming back just as she said she would (not that Santana doubted her or anything) and helps Santana get her boat back to land by pulling it along with the rope Santana had.

"You mermaids are hella strong." Santana comments, impressed, when Quinn's head pops up out of the water.

Then again, they had to be if they were able to drown fully grown men all the time, right?

"Which one is your ship?" Quinn asks, looking around while Santana ties the dinghy to the dock.

Santana turns her head and scans the port until her gaze lands on her pride and joy. "That one right there." she points. _La Diabla._ Thankfully it still looked to be all in one piece. Though with Puckerman and Evans left in charge who knows what abuse it suffered in her absence.

"Impressive."

Now standing on the wooden dock, Santana rubs the back of her neck awkwardly and scuffs her boot out of discomfort. "So, I uh, I appreciate your help." She grimaces slightly, the words were so foreign on her tongue. She obviously wasn't accustom to saying these kinds of things - it kind of went against her badass nature - but she figures it would be super fucking unwise to not thank a mermaid for helping her out.

Quinn smiles gently up at her. "You're welcome."

Santana looks over shoulder sharply, hearing voices down the way. "You might wanna get out of here before someone sees you and tries to make a Shish Kabob out of you."

"A what?"

Santana shakes her head. "Nothing."

Quinn stares at her, lips pursed hesitantly and Santana realizes, from the weird pang in her stomach, that she really doesn't want to say goodbye to her.

"Santana, do you want me to go now?"

The answer is right on her tongue but Santana can't bring herself to say it as much as she wanted to. "I mean I don't care, whatever. If you wanna go do your fish thing I won't stop you." She kicks feet again and shrugs, because god knows she wasn't any good at this feelings crap. "But if you want to hang out for a while I won't mind."

Having feelings for a mermaid was bound to end in disaster but at the moment Santana couldn't really bring herself to care.

"I always wanted to explore a pirate ship." Quinn admits, looking back at her ship and then back at her. "You know, one that wasn't sunken."

A small smile tugs Santana's lips upward as she crouches down by the edge of the dock. "Well I can definitely arrange that."

"I can't stay on land forever you know." Quinn feels need to remind.

Santana glances past her, at the ocean, then smirks down at her. "Neither can I."

"You'd have to teach me to walk." Quinn says carefully, like she knew better than to get her hopes up about anything.

Santana sits herself down, without the muscle strength to keep up the squatted position. Damn she really needed a solid meal.

"Only if you teach me to swim." she stipulates, swinging her legs back and forth.

(Cause honestly, she really needed to fucking master that shit already).

"Deal." Quinn grins. "And you do realize you can't break a promise to a mermaid, right?"

Santana quirks her brow because _no, she did not realize!_ "What will happen to me if I do?" she questions warily.

"You don't want to know."

Santana rolls her eyes and huffs exaggeratedly. "Well thanks for the heads up _after_ the fact."

Quinn just smiles her charming smile.

 _Damn. That fucking smile_.

If Quinn ever got tired of playing up the part of sexy siren, she could easily get away with being all cute and shit and still catch her prey.

"You want to kiss me right now, don't you?"

Santana quickly snaps out of her thoughts, then looks back at Quinn to see her smiling smugly.

"Don't get cocky, bottom feeder." Santana scoffs, even if it's maybe a little true.

Damn, were mermaids mind readers too?

"You wouldn't be the first pirate to want to." Quinn points out, as if that would make Santana feel better about this.

Santana finds herself scowling deeply at thought of hundreds of pirates trying to kiss Quinn.

The blonde catches her expression and points out, "But you would be the first to succeed though."

"What do you mean?" Santana shifts herself around so she was lying on her stomach. "You've never really kissed a human before, like on the mouth?"

Quinn shakes her head and swims closer. "When the men are far enough gone to go in for a kiss, that's the time to strike. Besides I've never been particularly inclined to let them steal a kiss. They're not an attractive bunch, are they? With their odors and rotting teeth? It's a wonder how their flesh is as satisfying as it is."

Santana narrows her eyes questioningly. "So you're saying that because I don't smell and I've got all my teeth, I can kiss you?"

"No, you can kiss me because I like you and I think you're cute."

"Pirates aren't cute." Santana groans and drops her head dramatically. "If you gotta compliment me, say I'm sexy or something, not—"

With a roll of her eyes, Quinn rises up and cuts Santana off with her lips. Kissing her so deeply, Santana legitimately see stars.

 _Holy fuck._

Santana immediately starts kissing back and damn, Quinn must really be a fan of her macking skills because the blonde gets so caught up in the moment that when she makes a grab to pull Santana even closer, she accidentally - with all her freakish strength - yanks her ass completely off the dock, sending them both tumbling back into the water.

Santana resurfaces, spluttering water and clinging to Quinn for dear life.

"Oh my god, Santana! I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

Santana nods her head, gasping for breath. "If you do that every time we fucking kiss I'm gonna need those swim lessons asap, otherwise you might just drown me after all."

—

Days later and the mermaid antics continue. (Not that Santana was surprised by it or anything).

"Can I kill him?"

Santana rolls her eyes and bites the inside of her cheek against a smile.

Quinn was getting incredibly antsy and Santana was trying very hard not to be horribly entertained by it.

"No."

"What about him?"

Santana doesn't bother looking behind her. She had a ship to steer after all.

"No."

"Just a little bit?"

"There's no such thing as killing someone just a little bit, Q. You either do it or you don't."

Santana finally glances over in time to see Quinn rolling her head back in that long suffering way of hers. "Oh _come on_." she whines.

"No."

"You know for a pirate you're kind of a drag."

Santana almost laughs. "Quinn, they're my crew I kind of need them."

"You can't need _all_ of them."

"Uh yeah," Santana scoffs. "I do."

"Can I at least kill the one with the unfortunate hair? He's always leering at me."

"Puckerman's a manwhore but he's the best first mate I've ever had, so no."

Santana turns her head and, after catching sight of Quinn fully, groans. "Can you _please_ put some pants on?"

Quinn was walking around wearing one of her long white shirts with a brown vest over it but just flat out refused to put anything on below the waist. The shirt was thankfully long enough that it covered uh, _everything_ , but still not by much. "I'd rather my crew not be as familiar with your body as I am."

"All the more reason to get rid of them!"

"My crew is off-limits, Quinn!"

"Half of them think I'm your pet." Quinn huffs, her lips forming a pout. "It's incredibly insulting."

"Says who?" Santana's gaze snaps back to her crew. She'd more than happily fuck up anyone who was caught saying that shit. "You are not my pet."

"I'll say." Quinn responds, flipping her hair over her shoulder, obviously miffed. "I mean if anything you're _my_ pet."

"Yeah, yeah." Santana nods, her gaze busy sweeping the deck for crew members most likely to talk crap behind her back, until that comment registers and she stops, "Wait, what? I am not!"

Quinn smiles at her fondly. "I'm only kidding." she teases. Then declares. "I'm going to find some men somewhere else. I'll be back later."

Santana waves her off with a nod. She sure as hell wasn't going to stop her. She now knew just how crabby the mermaid got if she went too long without drowning someone and it was not a pretty sight.

Quinn shrugs off her vest. "Where are you heading toward again?"

"White Cap Bay."

Quinn comes behind her and takes off Santana's hat, plopping it back on her head. "Okay. I'll regroup with you there."

Santana pushes her hat up out of her eyes. "Fine but don't come back complaining if you miss out on all the pillaging and conquering."

Quinn rolls her eyes and kisses Santana's lips once, then twice. "If I do be sure to steal me something pretty."

"Will do." Santana watches the blonde make her way down to the deck and over to the edge of the ship. "Drown a sailor for me." she calls after.

Quinn flashes her a radiant, if not predatory, smile over her shoulder. "Will do."

It's a smile that probably would be unnerving to normal people but Santana just finds it endearing.

And utterly hot.

Quinn swan dives into the ocean and when Santana realizes what she'd done, she groans. _Like, seriously?_

Santana leaves the helm and stomps over to the railing. "Take off my fucking shirt before you get in the water next time!" she shouts when the blonde resurfaces.

A pirate only had so many clothes, damnit.

Quinn scoffs up at her and gives her a wry salute. "Aye, aye, captain!"

Santana's scowl deepens. "Don't mock me, mermaid!"

"I'll do as I please, pirate!" Quinn fires back with a smirk before slipping back into the water.

Santana just rolls her eyes.

"That's for fucking sure." she mutters under her breath, shaking her head.

But she liked the mermaid for it anyways.

* * *

AN: Ha, that's all I had. Sorry. Anyways, thanks for reading!


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